My Daddy aka The Bond & a bit of family history!

My dad at times isn’t the easiest person to love……but he’s my hero and has never broken my heart.

He is often times very blunt….not very socially savvy and straight-up the cheapest man you will ever meet!

For the circumstances that my father was raised in; I think he’s the greatest dad in the world. My dad is the oldest of his clan. He has three younger sisters and a step-sister. I am not to close any of them. What’s sad is that if I ever saw them on the street…I probably wouldn’t know who they are.

I am listening to Joe McElderry on youtube singing Luther Vandross’ “Dance With My Father”. So I was inspired to write this about my father.

Thankfully, my father is still alive but for the past 3 years he’s been living in Louisiana. It’s been a real shock for me to be living alone for the first time in my life. I’ve always lived with my parents except for a short time in 1997 when I was attending the University of Oklahoma. Short as in 4 weeks! Even then…my parents would come to my apartment on Thursday nights and leave Monday mornings. I look back now and laugh because my parents and I are really just that close.

Before my mom died, I never really planned on ever moving out. That might sound strange to most people. But we have a big house and in Asian cultures it’s not unusual to have 2, 3 or even 4 generations living in the same house. My ex-fiancé, Joel, said he would be ok with it and that’s one of the reasons I stayed with Joel so long. I didn’t think I would be ever to find a white dude who would be willing to live with my parents.

Anyway, so going from seeing both my mom and dad everyday of my life for 28 years (minus a four week vacation/honeymoon they took without me in 2005 to Asia) to living alone has been a very difficult transition. Especially, having to deal with Joel breaking up with me before my mom died, then my mom dying, my dad hooking up with my step-mom(who I adore by the way) and my dad leaving. It’s been a rough few years.

But I don’t resent my father for following his dreams and I do not resent him for finding a new partner so quickly. My dad is 66 years old….he’s my 66 year old baby.

He is very dear to me. You see, my dad’s father died when my dad was 12. My sweet father has never had a chance to be taken care of. He’s had to take care of his younger siblings all his life up until he was 12.

My grandmother had a gambling problem and she owed this rich family lots of money. To repay her debt, she gave them my father. From the ages of 12-17 my dad was someone’s slave. He said most days this rich family would give him rice and water. He didn’t go to school but still somehow learned French. I don’t know what kept him going those days but I am grateful he did survive. At 17, he left to join the Royal Lao Army. He moved his way up very quickly. He had a string of romances along the way. My mother was the niece of a General, my great-uncle, Manh Opma(how he got a short ass name; I’ll never now. I am very jealous!), and was absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

They married when my mom was about 20 years old and my father 23. My dad was off to war more often than not. Their marriage in those early days was far from perfection. Even up the last days of their marriage it wasn’t perfect. But at the end, we all know why they stayed together. There was love.

My mom’s father was a member of the communist party and left my mother and grandmother when she was a baby. My grandpa Opma (he’s the only grandfather I’ve ever really known and I am lucky I can call him grandpa) was courting my great-aunt and fell in love with my mom who was a baby at the time. My cousin, Bebe and I think he really fell in love with my maternal grandmother but since she already had my mom and was not a young, single lady that she would step aside so her younger sister could have a shot at the happily ever after. Because for years after that Gpa and Gma(my pet names for Manh & Py) would take always make sure that my grandmother was taken care of financially. I mean I know that my grandmother was Gma’s older sister…but doesn’t it sound a bit fishy to you? Yeah, to me, too!

But a few years later, my mom being a young girl with now two half-sisters, was sent to go live with Gpa & Gma. My mom lived with Gpa & Gma until my brother, Dan was born. Dan is the fourth oldest, second oldest living child of my parents.

Both of my parents were not raised by their parents. It really breaks my heart to think that these two people didn’t have love of their parents. My mom was a bit luckier than my dad. She was very much loved by her cousins/siblings, my aunt and uncle who live in Ohio which I try to remain close to because they are all I have left linking me to my mom. They’re the only ones left who knew my mom was a young child and young woman.

Does anyone find it interesting that out of all the people to meet and marry were two souls that grew up without their fathers ended up together?

At times my mom always felt that my dad married her for political motives and never really felt secure in his love for her. My father is not a demonstrative man with his feelings….only with the grandbabies and with me! J

However, I know in my heart and mind that my dad loved her the most. Otherwise, he surely would have walked out on us. The moment I knew this was when I was 12 years old and we went to a wedding in Amarillo and we ran into an old boyfriend of my mom’s. It was the one before she married my dad.

Now this dude was not even 25% as cool as my dad. My dad pointed him out and told me that was my mom’s ex-boyfriend and asked me what I thought of him. I told him that this chump was not as pimp as he is and that made him smile. I could see this look in my dad’s eyes that he had been competing with this guy for years in his own mind.

But at the moment, I knew how much my dad truly loves my mom. Because he still loves her. People like to judge that my dad moved on so quickly after my mom died. Which I agree was much too soon. However, we all had to come to the realization that my mom is not coming back and my dad was being realistic in that fact. He was in no way trying to forget my mom….he was looking for comfort and someone he can be with and share the rest of his life with. He and my step-mom are the awesomeiest people besides my three brothers who continue to teach me how to be selfless and more loving each day.

I am very blessed!